Prechildren v. Postchildren

(Inspired by a great article a friend just sent me about why you are so busy when you stay home with kids all day long.)

Getting up in the morning

Prechildren: Set your alarm. Snooze if you feel like it. Eat some cereal. (Total time: 10-20 minutes)

Postchildren: Get up anywhere between 4:30-5:30am. Rush into the baby's bedroom before she wakes up the toddler. Feed her a bottle. Change a poopy diaper. Toddler wakes up before you get a chance to snooze again. Make breakfast for the toddler with the right kind of cereal and milk in a sippy cup. Take toddler to the potty. Eat some cereal. Put baby back down to sleep. (Total time: 3 hours)

Showering

Prechildren: Hop in the shower and shave your legs if you feel like it. (Total time: 20 minutes)

Postchildren: Put a movie on for the toddler and hope that she doesn't destroy anything while you are in the shower. Check on toddler and hope that she doesn't wake up crying. Shower as fast as possible. No chance of shaving your legs. (Total time: 10 minutes)

Walking Out the Door

Prechildren: Grab your keys, wallet and phone. Walk out the door. (Total time: 1 minute).

Postchildren: Pack up diaper bag for the children. For the baby you need to fill up bottles, the formula container, make sure you have a clean burp cloth, change of clothes, enough diapers and wipes. For the toddler you need snacks, a water bottle and a change of clothes in case she has an accident. If it will be a longer trip, you need a blanket and pacifier for the baby to help her sleep. You need some activities for the toddler (i.e., DVD player, ipod, crayons, etc.). Make sure toddler has gone to the bathroom. Feed the baby before you go and change her diaper. Grab your keys, wallet and phone. Strap both kids into their car seats. (Total time: 1.5 hours).

Running to the Post Office

Prechildren: Get the package. Take it to the post office. Mail it. (Total time: 5 minutes)

Postchildren: Try to manage a package, a car seat, a toddler and a diaper bag (filled with all the things listed above). Hope people are nice enough to open the door for you. Mail the package. On the way back to the car you have to stop and look at the red diamond sticker in the window, do a balance beam walk along the curb, talk about the "hot air balloon" hanging above Quiznos and why you can't ride in it, but you can go drive by it. Strap kids back into the car. (Total time: 25 minutes)

Grocery Shopping

Prechildren: Drive to the grocery store. Buy your items. Put them in the car. Drive home and put them away. (Total time: 1 hour)

Postchildren: Drop toddler off at dance. Rush with newborn to the store. Park near a stray cart so you don't have to haul the 25 lb. car seat very far. Put baby in and rush through the store before dance is done. Baby starts crying. Debate whether to feed her, decide you don't have enough time, give her a pacifier and hope it works for 10 more minutes. Decide not to get half the things on your list because you don't have time. Rush out to the car and throw the groceries in. Mash the banana and probaby break a couple eggs. Drive to pick up toddler. Baby is screaming. Drive home. Baby is sleeping. Leave the car running. Take toddler to the bathroom. She pees all over the freshly cleaned toilet seat. Change her clothes. Get her something to eat. Bring in some groceries. Baby wakes up. Put frozen food in freezer and cold stuff in fridge. Leave remaining groceries strewn around counters and hope husband will help put them away when he returns home. (Total time: 1.5 hours)

Lunch

Prechildren: Make a sandwich. Eat it. Read something while you eat. (Total time: 15 minutes)

Postchildren: Make a hot dog for toddler just the right temperature. Cut it up into little pieces. Stick a straw in the juice box and drink some of it so it won't squirt all over her fresh outfit when she grabs it. Spoon feed baby some chicken mush. She doesn't like it. Try some pears. She eats only half of it. Give her a bottle. She spits up some of it on your clothes. You don't bother changing because you know it will happen again before the day is over. Read toddler some books and tuck her into bed. Put baby down to bed. Make a sandwich. Eat it. Read something while you eat. (Total time: 1 hour, 15 minutes)

Blogging

Prechildren: You don't have time to blog. (Total time: 0)

Postchildren: Begin a blog post. Internet stops working. Restart computer. Start typing. Both kids wake up. Keep typing anyway. Go put pacifier back in baby's mouth. Hope toddler falls asleep eventually - at least she is staying in her room. (Total time: 30 minutes)

Cleaning House

Prechildren: Do 2 loads of laundry. Wash a few dishes. (Total time: 30 minutes)

Postchildren: Do laundry for 4 people. Wash bottles and dishes. Clean up toys. (Total time: 1 hour, 30 minutes)

Dinner

Prechildren: Make dinner. (Total time: 30 minutes)

Postchildren: Toddler wants to eat at 4pm. Give her a snack to hold her off. Baby is awake and needs to eat again. Feed her a bottle. Place baby on floor with some toys to entertain her. Toddler wants to help make dinner. She insists on dumping everything into the bowl herself and stirring. She needs her hands washed. Baby is crying and needs to be moved to the Bumbo for a change of scenery. Toddler is done helping, but dinner is not ready. You put a movie on for toddler to entertain her while you finish. Eventually dinner gets made. (Total time: 1 hour, 30 minutes)

Bedtime

Prechildren: Watch a movie and/or read a book. Go to bed at midnight. (Total time: 2 hours)

Postchildren: Feed baby, change her diaper, turn on her ceiling fan, turn on her humidifier, make sure she has a pacifier and blanket. Set up bottles to use during the night. Turn on white noise maker. Put her to sleep. Replace pacifier every 5-10 minutes until she is asleep. Read toddler books, brush her teeth, take her to the bathroom, put on her pjs, say prayers, turn on her night light and white nosie maker. Explain to toddler why she doesnt need to be scared. Return to toddler's room to get her a drink of water. Return to toddler's room again for some nonsensical reason. Eventually toddler falls asleep. You are too tired to watch a movie or read a book. You go to sleep at 9:30pm (Total time: 2 hours).